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I am stripping layers of feelings trying to understand the fears that assault me, that I don't recognise, but make my feel insecure and unprotected against my own thoughts.  A year has gone by and it still hurts. And now that I'm getting to know someone else I find myself wondering if the history is going to repeat it self.  I don't miss you. I don't miss us. What I do miss is the assurance of God's guidance.  I know that He is guiding me now, but the uncertainty that you left behind has made me try to secure my heart, hide it from harm, as if I could do such thing on my own.  Doubt creeps from the depths of my mind, am I good enough? Will this person see me behind my flaws? Will he love me just for who I am?  And for a moment I forget that I am voluntarily not in control, nor I intend to be. I have to conciously chose not to hurt for the damage that you left behind.  So I pray, to my Dad above. Father fill my heart with praise ...